Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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