the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
