Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
