how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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