I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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