you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
