been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
