That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
