Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
