If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
