she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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