i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
