Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
