You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
