i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's official drugs can't kill me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize