btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
