Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
