guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
