and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
