I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
