My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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