it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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