Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
