the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
