You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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