It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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