Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize