My friends, they love my intelligence
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
