fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
