even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
