I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
