I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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