So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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