So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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