I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
