That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
