just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
