i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
