if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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