so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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