Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
