your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
