At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
