Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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