I am puke
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
