just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can I color on your dick again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
