maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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