In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
