Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
