Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize