haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
