we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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