Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
