oh god the rape fog is back!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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