On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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