There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
