I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
