The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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