we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
