Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
