He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
