I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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