You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
