Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
