Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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