I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
