Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
