You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
