you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's like iHOP with fire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
