I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
