I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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