Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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