i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize