This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
