If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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