that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
