I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
