so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
