you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
