i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
