It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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