Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
