Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
