she was so not down for the gang bang
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
