eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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